BVI: Leverick Bay and the Pirate (aarrrgh!)

We left Marina Cay under fair winds and (mostly) clear skies for the long sail to Leverick Bay. If you've looked at my Spot map you may have noticed all the zig-zags. That's because a sailboat can't seem to go directly anywhere. You have to tack and jibe like a New York cabbie and you don't get to use Park Avenue. Actually, I'm still baffled how a sailboat can sail against the wind anyway.

I really liked the tackin' and jibin' because I got to pull on stuff (the Genoa sail).

It was a long and brutal voyage. At times I began to wonder if I was ever going to see Portugal again. Fortunately we were able to stave off scurvy by use of the citrus contained in the pineapple and orange juice comprising our painkillers. However, if we hadn't come across the occasional upside down mermaid we could have had a mutiny on our hands. Tensions were high.

Todd: "I'm thinkin' just a little C4 about this big..."

After months at sea we finally arrived at our destination, and began the mooring operation that we had trained so hard for. The routine went something like this:

Ron: "Is this the rope"
Norma: "It's not rope, it's line"
Cynthia: "I think I dropped my contact lens"
Steve: "It's over there dummy!"
Todd: $#@%$&^%*!

Notice the empty Pusser's bottle?

You may have noticed that in several pictures many of us are wearing the same shirt. That's because as a surprise Cap'n Tobb had custom crew shirts made up. Very cool! We all wore them to the wine gang (along with our brown skin) just to gloat.

Moving on...

Now this really ticks me off. I paid extra for a 55 gallon drum of "Fat Away" rinse (not sold in stores. If you act right now, we'll sell you TWO 55 gallon drums of "Fat Away" for the low low price of 5.99 plus shipping and handling of $99.99. But wait! There's more!...) and it didn't work worth a damn!

Come on Todd...you can't hide that Heinekin glow...(or the can for that matter).

And we can't forget our resident 90 lb. sword swallower...

And what's the deal with all these dinghys? (pretend I'm Jerry Seinfeld).
Every where you go there's a truckload of dinghys at every dock. They look a lot like beached walruses basking in the sun. I've found that the most effective way of docking a dinghy is to sidle up all nonchalant like and then just ram your nose between them like a piglet going for the nearest teat.

For that matter, they all look pretty much the same. Fortunately we had a bra on our outboard so we could have an easier time telling it apart from the others. It's hard enough when you get there, but when you leave the bar there's two of everything! Actually, I think they should institute a "Take a dinghy, leave a dinghy" program in the BVI...kind of like they do with bicycles in Portland.

In some of these marinas they have aquatic peddlers. People who mill around the moorage in boats and try to sell "door to door". They carry all manner of wares ranging from groceries to jewelry to baked goods and conch shells. Hey...there's one now!

We had hardly gotten settled when a boat pimp cruised up and pitched a musical show being performed that very evening on the beach. It was a pirate one-man band. It sounded pretty cheesy to me, but hey, we're going to shore any way.

What the...is that another Pusser's? I believe it is!

Michael "Beans" the Pirate (click here)

One of the glossy brochures the boat pimp brought us was for the 2 hour Pirate show. So, being straight, I'm not real big on musicals but I figured that with the right anesthetic I could tolerate the pain. It turns out that it was one of the most entertaining and thoroughly enjoyable evenings of the whole trip. Michael "Beans" is a one-man pirate band who totally engrosses the audience by active participation. We wandered over in time to get a front row seat, and after we were ensconced a whole litany of pirate sycophants came streaming in dressed in pirate outfits with inflatable swords and parrots, eye patches and the whole bit; kind of like a straight Rocky Horror. Each of the tables had old plastic bottles loaded up with sand and rocks to be used as percussion instruments at the appropriate times.

One of my favorite parts of the show came early on. See that round table there in the front? Well, it has a paper "Reserved" sign on it. The place filled up pretty fast and about 20 minutes into the show some folks from an adjacent table sort of overflowed into it. A little while later this miffed family came over dragging the manager; I assume to kick out the squatters.
Well, when the pirate saw what was going on, right in musical stride he bellers out (to the audience) "Do you guys think that people who come late to the show deserve to keep other people from sitting down?" The crowd roars NO!! "Do you think these people draggin' their pack of kids with em should get their table back?" NO!! roars the crowd. Says the pirate "You heard em, go find yourself a seat up the hill there!" And they did. I got a new hero that day.

Kelly: "Now which way is the camera again?"

"Tastes like back-washed apple juice"

Next the pirate had a conch (pronounced "conk") blowing contest; first prize a case of Heineken. There was another prize for non-drinkers but I don't remember what it was. It was just a kind of buzzing noise in my ears...sort of like when they tell you the toppings on a vegetarian pizza.