Dallas to Puerto Rico

Our flight to PR was relatively uneventful except for the folks in the seats just in front of us on both sides of the aisle. They were the typical 40-somethings who thought they were still sophomores in college on spring break. The guy just in front of us had hair like Steve's new hat, and the mock-tribal arm band tattoo. His wife looked like a typical Jewish-American princess that demands to be taken seriously, though she has no right to be. Very short skirt. You could pick your teeth with those legs. Drink of choice: Bud.

Across the aisle we had Ken and Malibu Barbie, and Malibu Barbie's girlfriend (wink-wink). They were carrying on like they were at a junior high school party; poke-poke, giggle-giggle. And the guy had every form of electronic device a 16 year old could ever want. Two phones and one of those tablet gadgets...what do you call them, iFads?
Well, you know the part where the crew tells all the children to turn off their toys because it might make the big airplane go boom? Mr Coppertone was texting on two different phones and had his iFad going the entire flight. He would just hide them whenever the stewardess (god I love that term) came by. I wished I had a Tazer. I'd fry the guy and say "How's that for an electronic device?"

Once the alcohol-lobotomy cart came by it got even better. They'd each buy 3 drinks every time it came by. Then Beevis and Butthead started sharing songs across the aisle. "Dude, you gotta check this one out, it's sick!" Whereupon he would pass the earbuds across the aisle with the cord stretched tight.

They were also on their way to the BVI. Ken (who was sitting diagonally across the aisle from me) whipped out his iFad and started a slideshow of their pictures from last year. It looked like stills from an episode of Girls Gone Wild (GGW for those in the know) with Malibu Barbie's girlfriend draped over a different guy in pretty much every picture. She seemed to like the "Island" kind of guys ("Much laaarger than a cola nut, much juuucier too").

I had to applaud them for actually putting away their toys for landing. But as soon as we were on the ground, it sounded like a Vegas casino with everyone firing up their vital equipment. "Oh nothing much. We just landed. What's up with you?"